the boy

We go through many phases of mothering. There is the first phase of adoration and wonder and newness that is overwhelming and all encompassing. There is no separation; we are one with child. We look out from this bubble of love and everything else is a blur. It starts to come into focus eventually, and then we just pray to sweet baby Jesus that we can get through the grocery store or across town without someone crying for the duration of the experience. This too shall pass, and they don't wail in public anymore, but now they are bored. Whaaaaa?

I'm pretty laid back about it all these days, but my oldest is entering unchartered territory that is all new to me. He's 12. He still loves legos, but is also taken with the Cadillac Escalade. He points at them all over town. Where this gangster SUV fits into his psyche, I'm not sure. He has a spray bottle to tame his glorious thick red locks. A cool dude. He has a voice that he's using more and more often, and it's sometimes saying things that, honestly, annoy me.

I am most grateful to have a psychotherapist who specializes in adolescents living in the house. Matt is very close to the bone when it comes to understanding what makes a boy tick. Mostly he reminds me to hang back and allow for space. To watch closely, but let him be. To listen and not talk so much. To trust.

I do.

The little boy is still right there, too. Throwing mud and giggling with his brother and sister, wanting me to snuggle with him before bed and come back later for the final bedtime kiss. He went to meet our new rector the other day at church, and without a word from Mom, he pulled out all the stops....eye contact, smiles, hand shakes, so-nice-to-meet-you.

Little boy.....young man, straddling the two must be a fine balancing act for him.

I’m just going to continue believing.

I’ve said it before.

My goal is to teach my children to fly.

How can he fly if I hover?

{and i mentioned the other day that this same precious child of mine doesn’t live in the house....lots of you wanted to hear more...hang tight, it’s coming!}