raising up

In raising children the boundaries often get porous. There is my childhood, my husbands, society’s notions about what is proper and expected, the extreme striving parents who have already started interviewing colleges for their 12 yr. old (met one the other day and walked away feeling....what? I don’t even know...) and then there are the kids who are pushed off into the deep end and have to tread water till they can build their own boat. I know those kids, too. The range is extraordinary. Every child is wildly different. And special.

Every now and again one of my children will do or say something that shines a light on their unique individuality. Most of the time they are just your average kids...wrestling, hungry, pack ratty, smelly, whiny, bundles of pure joy. And then Max will sit down and write feverishly for three hours straight, or Lewis will unload his wry wit and cutting edge humor, belying a deeper understanding of how things work than one would expect of a nine year old, or Della will, in her bulldog way, dig in for an unyielding fight to defend herself and her ideas. And I see the 'person' in my child. The spark that needs fanning. The gift that I have nothing to do with. It’s not team sports or academics or physicality. There is no outside force involved. It’s radiating from within.

If you’ve read my ‘about’ you know that I have been a bit obsessed with education. Tried it all. But I’ve come full circle. Do I want my kids to thrive in an academic environment. Sure. And if they don’t? You know what? That’s fine, too. It’s my job to fan the flame. To help them find their path and to not limit it with boundaries that may not apply. We are quite able to shape our children’s future. I think that’s the age old trend, actually. We can push push push down the road we know or think is proper.

Or we can cheer for the gifts and hold the flashlight on the future of possibilities.

It’s a fine line worth noting. If your kid doesn’t fit the mold, then you have the opportunity to break it and build a new one, rather than forcing a fit that may undermine confidence and set a standard for struggle. It’s beautiful to think that the world is changing in ways that make thinking 'outside the box’ the norm and even preferred. Max’s path will be very different from Lew’s, and Della isn’t on a path at all. She’s just kicking ass and taking names. As much as a first grader can, that is.

I’ll just watch and direct traffic when I need to clear the way a little.