Parenting philosophies vary greatly. I'm not sure where I fall in that vast spectrum, but it's probably somewhere out in East Jesus. My gut responses aren't usual. More often than not, I am intrigued rather than horrified by the shenanigans my spawn can perpetrate. Probably because they are MY spawn. And because I'm cozy with my own inner child. Should she be doing that? Hmmm? Will the top shelf hold the weight of my 13 year old man/child?...
Here's the story. Firstly, I do not love to grocery shop with my children. Too many questions, too many wants, too much whine-ese (a language that I understand all too well). But I'm not the type to be so ordered as to avoid it, and it's not that big a deal. In general, they usually do their own thing and we meet up at the check-out and carry on.
So. I walking from produce to dairy and out of the corner of my eye I saw something sailing through the air above the aisles. My first thought was that this probably involved my children. I kept shopping. A few minutes later I am in the back of the store gazing around and waiting for my pastrami and notice something unusual. My youngest child's apricot head is bobbing along, high above the fray, very earnestly looking for something. She is walking down the top shelf, straddling two aisles. WTF.
I head over. I remember my camera is in my pocket. Her brothers are right there giving elaborate directions.
me: Um. Excuse me. What. Are. You. Doing?
Max: The top shelf won't hold me.
me: (Blank look)You tried getting up there, too?
Lewis: (with anger and urgency) Mom! Max threw my spitfire hat over the aisle and it completely disappeared...he has to buy me a new one.
Max: We were playing a game! It was an accident. It is seriously gone, though. There is a vortex between the aisles.
A woman pushes her cart down the aisle and I pretend she doesn't exist. I pretend that Della is invisible up there on that top shelf. And where the hell are those 250 City Market employees that incessantly ask me if I'm finding everything I'm looking for?
Because can't they see that we need a little help finding something?
That there's a vortex between aisles 4 and 5?
me: OK. Max, get your sister down.
Della: I like it up here.
me: I'm sure, Honey, but it's probably not recommended.
After twenty minutes of serious searching, I found the hat. The kids were one aisle over, still looking.
They collectively scream for joy.
me: Did the vortex relinquish your hat?
them: That was awesome!
And that was that. Should I have had a safety talk? Should we have discussed better choices? The truth is this.
They've got moxie.
And they're not afraid to use it.
And my hat's off to them.
{I know my dad reads things like this and breathes a deep sigh of relief that we live twelve states away.} :)
Oh Ivey! I needed this! Thank you for the laugh! Thank you for helping keep things in perspective..... I had to sign an "incident report" when I picked Will up from school today for an attempt a tailoring the little girl's shirt next to him. In that moment I felt like every bit of my parenting was being judged on that slip. This was the laugh I needed :) Happy Monday to you!
ReplyDeleteit's all perspective! be thrilled that he didn't stab her! everyone has a need to cut something they shouldn't...usually it's someone's bangs that take the hit. ask my sister nan! i chopped those babies off, but good! she's fine, it's all good. hope you are well my dear!
DeleteOh my, there are tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard. I kinda wish I had been there :)
ReplyDeleteMan it's a good thing you had that 3rd child, because I'm pretty sure those shelves wouldn't have held the older two. Also, text me next time you're going to City Market. Meet you in the vortex.
ReplyDeleteGeesh, my trip to the market this morning was just boring, maybe I need to borrow your babies to keep things interesting!
ReplyDeleteNothing funny like this EVER happens when I'm at City Market to witness it. Damn.
ReplyDelete(ps: hi. Found your blog last year while researching our move to Durango. We're here now. You'll know us when you see us at City Market. 3 kids, 4 and under, the majority probably screaming, someone definitely in pajama pants tucked into rain boots.)
Oh, Ivey, I love that you conquered the grocery store vortex. I just knew it existed when I would send someone in for milk and they would be gone forever! And yes, they've got moxie. Well done.
ReplyDeleteOnce while I was in a shoe store with my four children . . . a vast mega shoe store . . . my youngest son got the idea to tease my middle son by putting his shoes into a random shoe box that looked like all of the other random shoe boxes on all of the shelves. I had no idea this had happened until it was time for us to go and as we stood in the check-out line I noticed my middle son in his socks.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, my youngest son could no longer accurately say exactly which box on which shelf on which aisle contained his brother's shoes. And so, much to the amusement of my other two children, the search began.
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteUm.... you might want to talk to Carter McQuinn about that one.
ReplyDeleteJust saying.
that was awesome...especially your comment about your dad.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME parenting, if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteShe'll remember that day forever. Probably. You will, anyway.
The world needs more fun!